Pain was not when you said
"Sorry, I messed up"
It was not when you said
"I cant love you anymore"
It surely was not when you said
"I'm happy with someone else"
But it tore me apart when you said
"I never thought you loved me"
Monday, October 30, 2006
Pained !
Pain was not when you said
"Sorry, I messed up"
It was not when you said
"I cant love you anymore"
It surely was not when you said
"I'm happy with someone else"
But it tore me apart when you said
"I never thought you loved me"
Powershot S3IS
Purchased a Canon Powershot S3IS after heavy research and temptations to move into the Digital SLR stuff. It belongs to a cross category of D DSLRs and digital cameras. A sample picture taken by my friend below. Am impressed with the camera and the clarity and options of the camera. Lots to learn and so expect more trials on this camera soon...And ofcourse am looking forward for my skiing trip (hopefully) late this month and Pune trip next week. Time to update me picture blog I guess !
This picture is so damn cool. Refreshed and ready for a long journey ahead ! I always believe its the eyes that are artistic - its what they see, its nothing to do with the camera, nor the materials - they are just tools to give it a life and this picture is worth a thousand words !
This picture is so damn cool. Refreshed and ready for a long journey ahead ! I always believe its the eyes that are artistic - its what they see, its nothing to do with the camera, nor the materials - they are just tools to give it a life and this picture is worth a thousand words !
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
After a long time
I love to drive and given any day, any time, I can get behind the wheels. Its so good to have someone else get behind the wheels for a change. Its always been that I drive everywhere, mostly ppl do not know to drive the car or are afraid or that I do not have the confidence. But this time around, I was comfortable in giving the wheels to someone else and relax completely not worrying abt if it will be safe. Gosh, what a sigh of relief finally.
Happened to attend a session on Wildlife Photography. Wealth of information, a good three hours of thoughts on something thats so close to my heart- nature and some amazing stories of horror and experience - it was time well spent. The session brought out a discussion on the politics and economics in preserving a species and forest. It was observed how difficult it is to convince the policy makers and implementors to allocate fund towards wildlife, particularly when you have to justify allocation of funds in third world countries like India where there are billions of people not getting enough of food to live. I wonder how short sighted and selfish we humans are always. As a species, I think we have done well enough to emerge as the most dominant, however in the process, we have messed it all up. An ecological balance is absolutely mandatory for the survival of our species. But we wont see it, we will stay blind to the perils of perishing ecology and species and try to channelise all the funds to the most arrogant and rampant of all the species ever created.
Happened to attend a session on Wildlife Photography. Wealth of information, a good three hours of thoughts on something thats so close to my heart- nature and some amazing stories of horror and experience - it was time well spent. The session brought out a discussion on the politics and economics in preserving a species and forest. It was observed how difficult it is to convince the policy makers and implementors to allocate fund towards wildlife, particularly when you have to justify allocation of funds in third world countries like India where there are billions of people not getting enough of food to live. I wonder how short sighted and selfish we humans are always. As a species, I think we have done well enough to emerge as the most dominant, however in the process, we have messed it all up. An ecological balance is absolutely mandatory for the survival of our species. But we wont see it, we will stay blind to the perils of perishing ecology and species and try to channelise all the funds to the most arrogant and rampant of all the species ever created.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
Memoirs
It was one of those old Tshirts that you dont get away with. But it had too many memories attached to it and infact my friend used to ask me "Dont you have anything else to wear?" How would she know its for those memories with her I used to wear them. Feels like the person is right next to you all the time.
Today, I was in no mood to get to work. Thanks to the drinks after a long long time. A close look at my shirts told me that I gotto press my shirts and there I was already trying to beat the "Monday Morning Blues" and particularly after an one day weekend. So, pulling out a Tshirt, I found this one in my hand. With a smile, I wore them and I was slightly intrigued when a collegue of mine noted it especially.
C - "Have you ever worn this before to office?"
Me - "No, Its a personal favourite of mine, the ones you dont throw it off generally. I like the way it hugs me, fits me and reminds me."
C - "hmm...true...know what, its kinda looking very good on ya. Someone got it for you?"
Me - "Thanks. Nope. But I have pleasant memories attached to it."
C - "Its like one of those shirts which kinda makes a statement....hmm ..like a personality statement. Accentuates and gives a real good feel to you."
Me - "Thanks".
Pretty amusing how a small thing can actually render a warm smile on your face !
Currently listening to "Sexy Back" Justin Timberlake.
Today, I was in no mood to get to work. Thanks to the drinks after a long long time. A close look at my shirts told me that I gotto press my shirts and there I was already trying to beat the "Monday Morning Blues" and particularly after an one day weekend. So, pulling out a Tshirt, I found this one in my hand. With a smile, I wore them and I was slightly intrigued when a collegue of mine noted it especially.
C - "Have you ever worn this before to office?"
Me - "No, Its a personal favourite of mine, the ones you dont throw it off generally. I like the way it hugs me, fits me and reminds me."
C - "hmm...true...know what, its kinda looking very good on ya. Someone got it for you?"
Me - "Thanks. Nope. But I have pleasant memories attached to it."
C - "Its like one of those shirts which kinda makes a statement....hmm ..like a personality statement. Accentuates and gives a real good feel to you."
Me - "Thanks".
Pretty amusing how a small thing can actually render a warm smile on your face !
Currently listening to "Sexy Back" Justin Timberlake.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Celebrations!
Three good news in a row on a day - now that surely calls for opening moi favourite bottle of Wine tonight !!!
With celebrations in mind, here is an old entry from the personal diary of mine !
Sanguinity
He walked silently around the idol and sat in a corner leaning against a pillar in the temple. He does not believe in visiting temples particularly at the time of despair. He did not believe in asking alms from the god. He was always grateful for what was given to him. Yet, this afternoon, he found himself sitting in a corner in the temple. He just wanted some peace and he always found it there. He was in deep thoughts trying to find himself.
"You seem to be terribly bothered, son", he opened his eyes and looked at the side of the voice.
He saw an elderly man, his face serene and calm, with sharp clear eyes. He did not want to be disturbed and was provoked to shout at the man that it was none of his business but instead he said politely,
"Why? Would you give me a solution?"
The man smiled at him.
"No one can give you solutions; you have to find your own."
"Then why bother about intruding into other's problem"
"Probably you would realize that, by talking to others, you are not alone and your problem is not very uncommon."
"I know that there are people with tougher problems than mine. Please don't start off with it"
"I never mentioned that way, did I? All I said was you are probably not the only one with that problem."
"If, the solution is within me, as you said, why not just leave me alone to find it."
"Our mind in its emotional state is pretty awful machine. It will search for a solution but yet would not recognize the solution."
"Hmmmm"
"Our mind is influenced by perceived notions by the happenings that have lead to the suffering and with that influence, the solutions you find and act would many a times aggravate the situation."
"I think so. I have been trying to solve one misunderstanding and my actions have been leading to more and more misunderstanding." he said.
"Are you bothered over a relationship?" the man asked.
He was surprised. He raised his eyebrows and replied "How do you know?"
"There isn't much that a young man like you would worry so much about? It is only a relationship with a loved one that would put you into confused state with no clear solutions. For example, people like you would be able to face any difficulties and come out successfully yet, can breakdown over a relationship completely."
He sighed.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't understand what love is?"
"It is an experience. Do not try to understand this. "
"Why does it hurt so much when the people you love want to move away? I understand the choice. I understand that I need to give people their space and I understand everyone lives by their choice and you need to respect them. But why this feeling of disappointment that makes you think you can undo everything."
"Because you are becoming a prisoner to your own expectation. You want the other person to love you the way you want to be loved. And not focusing on how you have shown your love to them. "
"Doesn't love necessitate expectations? Isn't approval and acceptance a need of all humans?"
"Love doesn't necessitate expectations. But we do."
"You are speaking of utopian love."
"I'm speaking about understanding love. Love does not place any expectations and is for giving and forgiving".
"That's what I'm trying to do. I understand her and her choices. I want to respect that and I want to see her happy but I still feel a void, the very thought of her not being my side bothers me, it even kills me."
"It is an illusion, my boy. An illusion that has been created by our own mind that is how one's love has to be expressed."
"What is love if both of us go our own way and live our own life?"
"Not necessary. It is how you want it to be. It can also be expressed in the choice you have to make. When one person feels the need to have their own space, what else can be a better way to show your love than letting them go?"
"Doesn't my wants and needs count at all?"
"It does as long as you both see the same things. But when you start thrusting your wants alone, you will strangle the very person you care for. Did you something of that sort?"
"Yes I did. I understood her, but probably could not stand the fact that I should be at a distance. I tried knowing everything about her and be next to her. In short, I was intruding into her space. Trying to do things that I know I should have done earlier but did not do. I was trying to do everything that I missed and wanted to do at a very short time that I know I'll be with her. I wanted to live a lifetime with her in a short period."
"And misunderstandings are bound to happen that way".
"I guess so, one lead to another and there are series of misunderstandings. And I feel sorry and repenting but I do not know how to solve this".
"Do you love her still?"
"Yes. I do."
"Then, let her be herself. Give time. Nothing beats destiny in the race of life and time. There is a whole lot of life ahead of you. Do not fight against destiny and neither cling onto anything too tight? Nature gives you a lot in life and expects you to give it back when it wants. If you do not, it forces you to give it back. And you cannot fight and win against it."
"I seem to suffer for whatever I did, or rather not do. If only I had expressed myself clearer and earlier, if only I had taken the right path, if only she had chosen to wait or at least chosen to talk, probably I wouldn't have lost her."
"If only you can redo, there could have been lot of things in life that you can change. But life is a one way. You cannot change whatever has happened. They happened because they were meant to happen. It happened to help you realize something. Did you ever introspect yourself to see why it had to happen?"
"I did and that is the reason I cry. There were so many things at my hands that I could have handled properly. Yet, I took things for granted. I took her for granted."
"And you realized now that you should never take anything or anyone for granted."
"Yes, but I didn't expect to learn it at the cost of someone I deeply love."
"Allow me to say this. But life teaches the most important lessons of your life at extreme situations. You should understand and learn from your suffering and not repeat it rather than brood over it. That way you would make sure your path ahead is better. But if you brood over something, then, you would only have tougher path ahead. The choice is yours."
"Have you ever thought? why is it that you are still in love when certain mistakes have been done by the other person too?"
"Yes. The more and more I introspect, the more and more I understand myself, understand us, and above all, understand her. And I feel all the more push to tell her that I understand everything better and it has in no way hindered my love. And neither do the mistakes committed nor the misunderstandings were meant to harm/hurt her as they seem to be."
"And you expect to come back to you, is it not?"
He sighed. " I dont know. I dont believe I'm in a position to expect or make choices anymore "
The man continued.
"Life is a journey and you find love in the way. But remember, it still is a journey. Want it or not, you have to complete the journey. There are at times, when you have to go alone even after finding your love. That is destiny's ways. But that should not really depreciate your love. If you truly love a person, you will understand their choices and it would return one day. Love thrives on good memories and diminishes on bad memories. Every happy moment is relived and the joy of love is experienced again. It should be the strength to move further in life and not to pull you back. It grows stronger as you grow older, but maybe not necessarily in the form that you might want it to happen. That's only your expectations and wants. You might have numerous expectations and wants that might not be fulfilled but are you worried so much about them? No, then why now? Remember, life is too short to be spent worrying. And your worries will affect the people you love and care about too, not letting them move ahead too? Is that you want? Love doesn't make you hurt or feel hurt. Love makes you feel happy for letting the other person go in search of their choices, how much ever it may make you feel bad. But you will feel happy in the end. Love likes to wait and observe life from a distance. But comes to support when needed. Love comes with a plenty of time. It never asks question nor expects an explanation. It just shares the happenings and be a support. True that your expectations and dreams today have been destroyed, but if you fail to acknowledge the blessings, the creation has bestowed upon you, you will regret it later. Enjoy the sun, enjoy the clouds, enjoy the morning melody of a cuckoo, enjoy the fresh breeze in your terrace, and there would be one time when you know you can share these moments again with the person you love and that day you will also be happy listening to what they have seen and done. And till then, enjoy your time and wait. Don't be in haste. Take life slow and think and act. Friends do not need explanations. When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, and you don't look for mistakes. Instead you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and overlook the excuses. Determine yourself how you want your love to manifest."
"Your words seem wise. But I do not know how difficult it is to implement.
The man continued. "At times, you do not know why certain things have to happen, it might even seem that there were no mistakes and you were good and bad things happen to you, but allow me to quote Rainer Maria Rilke at those times...have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answers some distant day."
He was listening in silence. He felt good, a lot better and a smile emerged from his lips as acknowledgement.
"Thank you. I feel light and clearer in my mind."
"Though it is easier said than done, try to do it and you will be happy. It is a lesson I have learnt from my life."
He kneeled down to get the man's blessings.
"Young man. My blessings are always with you."
With celebrations in mind, here is an old entry from the personal diary of mine !
Sanguinity
He walked silently around the idol and sat in a corner leaning against a pillar in the temple. He does not believe in visiting temples particularly at the time of despair. He did not believe in asking alms from the god. He was always grateful for what was given to him. Yet, this afternoon, he found himself sitting in a corner in the temple. He just wanted some peace and he always found it there. He was in deep thoughts trying to find himself.
"You seem to be terribly bothered, son", he opened his eyes and looked at the side of the voice.
He saw an elderly man, his face serene and calm, with sharp clear eyes. He did not want to be disturbed and was provoked to shout at the man that it was none of his business but instead he said politely,
"Why? Would you give me a solution?"
The man smiled at him.
"No one can give you solutions; you have to find your own."
"Then why bother about intruding into other's problem"
"Probably you would realize that, by talking to others, you are not alone and your problem is not very uncommon."
"I know that there are people with tougher problems than mine. Please don't start off with it"
"I never mentioned that way, did I? All I said was you are probably not the only one with that problem."
"If, the solution is within me, as you said, why not just leave me alone to find it."
"Our mind in its emotional state is pretty awful machine. It will search for a solution but yet would not recognize the solution."
"Hmmmm"
"Our mind is influenced by perceived notions by the happenings that have lead to the suffering and with that influence, the solutions you find and act would many a times aggravate the situation."
"I think so. I have been trying to solve one misunderstanding and my actions have been leading to more and more misunderstanding." he said.
"Are you bothered over a relationship?" the man asked.
He was surprised. He raised his eyebrows and replied "How do you know?"
"There isn't much that a young man like you would worry so much about? It is only a relationship with a loved one that would put you into confused state with no clear solutions. For example, people like you would be able to face any difficulties and come out successfully yet, can breakdown over a relationship completely."
He sighed.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't understand what love is?"
"It is an experience. Do not try to understand this. "
"Why does it hurt so much when the people you love want to move away? I understand the choice. I understand that I need to give people their space and I understand everyone lives by their choice and you need to respect them. But why this feeling of disappointment that makes you think you can undo everything."
"Because you are becoming a prisoner to your own expectation. You want the other person to love you the way you want to be loved. And not focusing on how you have shown your love to them. "
"Doesn't love necessitate expectations? Isn't approval and acceptance a need of all humans?"
"Love doesn't necessitate expectations. But we do."
"You are speaking of utopian love."
"I'm speaking about understanding love. Love does not place any expectations and is for giving and forgiving".
"That's what I'm trying to do. I understand her and her choices. I want to respect that and I want to see her happy but I still feel a void, the very thought of her not being my side bothers me, it even kills me."
"It is an illusion, my boy. An illusion that has been created by our own mind that is how one's love has to be expressed."
"What is love if both of us go our own way and live our own life?"
"Not necessary. It is how you want it to be. It can also be expressed in the choice you have to make. When one person feels the need to have their own space, what else can be a better way to show your love than letting them go?"
"Doesn't my wants and needs count at all?"
"It does as long as you both see the same things. But when you start thrusting your wants alone, you will strangle the very person you care for. Did you something of that sort?"
"Yes I did. I understood her, but probably could not stand the fact that I should be at a distance. I tried knowing everything about her and be next to her. In short, I was intruding into her space. Trying to do things that I know I should have done earlier but did not do. I was trying to do everything that I missed and wanted to do at a very short time that I know I'll be with her. I wanted to live a lifetime with her in a short period."
"And misunderstandings are bound to happen that way".
"I guess so, one lead to another and there are series of misunderstandings. And I feel sorry and repenting but I do not know how to solve this".
"Do you love her still?"
"Yes. I do."
"Then, let her be herself. Give time. Nothing beats destiny in the race of life and time. There is a whole lot of life ahead of you. Do not fight against destiny and neither cling onto anything too tight? Nature gives you a lot in life and expects you to give it back when it wants. If you do not, it forces you to give it back. And you cannot fight and win against it."
"I seem to suffer for whatever I did, or rather not do. If only I had expressed myself clearer and earlier, if only I had taken the right path, if only she had chosen to wait or at least chosen to talk, probably I wouldn't have lost her."
"If only you can redo, there could have been lot of things in life that you can change. But life is a one way. You cannot change whatever has happened. They happened because they were meant to happen. It happened to help you realize something. Did you ever introspect yourself to see why it had to happen?"
"I did and that is the reason I cry. There were so many things at my hands that I could have handled properly. Yet, I took things for granted. I took her for granted."
"And you realized now that you should never take anything or anyone for granted."
"Yes, but I didn't expect to learn it at the cost of someone I deeply love."
"Allow me to say this. But life teaches the most important lessons of your life at extreme situations. You should understand and learn from your suffering and not repeat it rather than brood over it. That way you would make sure your path ahead is better. But if you brood over something, then, you would only have tougher path ahead. The choice is yours."
"Have you ever thought? why is it that you are still in love when certain mistakes have been done by the other person too?"
"Yes. The more and more I introspect, the more and more I understand myself, understand us, and above all, understand her. And I feel all the more push to tell her that I understand everything better and it has in no way hindered my love. And neither do the mistakes committed nor the misunderstandings were meant to harm/hurt her as they seem to be."
"And you expect to come back to you, is it not?"
He sighed. " I dont know. I dont believe I'm in a position to expect or make choices anymore "
The man continued.
"Life is a journey and you find love in the way. But remember, it still is a journey. Want it or not, you have to complete the journey. There are at times, when you have to go alone even after finding your love. That is destiny's ways. But that should not really depreciate your love. If you truly love a person, you will understand their choices and it would return one day. Love thrives on good memories and diminishes on bad memories. Every happy moment is relived and the joy of love is experienced again. It should be the strength to move further in life and not to pull you back. It grows stronger as you grow older, but maybe not necessarily in the form that you might want it to happen. That's only your expectations and wants. You might have numerous expectations and wants that might not be fulfilled but are you worried so much about them? No, then why now? Remember, life is too short to be spent worrying. And your worries will affect the people you love and care about too, not letting them move ahead too? Is that you want? Love doesn't make you hurt or feel hurt. Love makes you feel happy for letting the other person go in search of their choices, how much ever it may make you feel bad. But you will feel happy in the end. Love likes to wait and observe life from a distance. But comes to support when needed. Love comes with a plenty of time. It never asks question nor expects an explanation. It just shares the happenings and be a support. True that your expectations and dreams today have been destroyed, but if you fail to acknowledge the blessings, the creation has bestowed upon you, you will regret it later. Enjoy the sun, enjoy the clouds, enjoy the morning melody of a cuckoo, enjoy the fresh breeze in your terrace, and there would be one time when you know you can share these moments again with the person you love and that day you will also be happy listening to what they have seen and done. And till then, enjoy your time and wait. Don't be in haste. Take life slow and think and act. Friends do not need explanations. When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, and you don't look for mistakes. Instead you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and overlook the excuses. Determine yourself how you want your love to manifest."
"Your words seem wise. But I do not know how difficult it is to implement.
The man continued. "At times, you do not know why certain things have to happen, it might even seem that there were no mistakes and you were good and bad things happen to you, but allow me to quote Rainer Maria Rilke at those times...have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answers some distant day."
He was listening in silence. He felt good, a lot better and a smile emerged from his lips as acknowledgement.
"Thank you. I feel light and clearer in my mind."
"Though it is easier said than done, try to do it and you will be happy. It is a lesson I have learnt from my life."
He kneeled down to get the man's blessings.
"Young man. My blessings are always with you."
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