Exhiliriating Experience

I harldy expected to encounter what I would call an Exhiliriating Experience when I stepped out of my office this morning at 1:30 AM. Some important issues had kept me staying late at work and I knew I would be soaking wet before I reached home. Nevertheless, with a dampened spirit (I cldnt complete my work inspite of my efforts), I set out on my Black Dawn to ride through the roads of a even more dampened city.
As I came out of the office and caught up on the dark roads, I realised I'm in for a late night driving experience. I just love bikes - I love cars too but not as much as the bikes. And any day, I would prefer a bike ride than a car. And Boy Oh Bot, I love dirt bikes all the more. By jove, it was so damn difficult with the heavy drops spluttering across your helmet rendering you almost blind extracting the maximum of your concentration to see what is ahead in the road. And the big Boiler tanks on the 16/32 wheeled trucks were just plainly monstrous. I hit the hosur road only to catch up with a huge traffic Jam. Finding my way throug those trucks, four in a line was an experience in itself. Triumphant over beating all those lined up vehicles, I came to the front only to see a huge van turned upside down on the road with the vegetables making a slush in that rain. I cldnt drive anything more than 50kmph or I kept slow as the visibility was not more than a a couple of metres anyway. Turned around the madiwala only to see a cars stranded everywhere and the ones ahead of me was not risking the flowing river of water. Completely unassuming, I drove my vehicle thinking its probably for a short distance, but the water almost was waist high on my low seating Avenger. At one point I thought the engine would conk with the compelte engine and the silencer immersed in the water. But, it stayed through and came out of the water as majestically as any proud owner could hope for with not even a slightest of a sneeze. Boy, i've started to love the bike. When I reached home, I was dripping wet, yet felt as though the day had some meaning, something to achieve and something to hope for the next day !

Love and hate

"You are a blend of love and hate"
"I hate you more than anyone else"

- comments given to me by my best friends *sob sob* and quite often.

But intriguingly(Ah, isnt that adjective used at me too), I dont quite understand this contradictory nature of expression. Its very difficult for me to experience and relate to such twins of an emotion that are quite antagonistic in nature. I do not go through this twin kind of emotion. How can you when you really love a person and understand them? Or is it that the hatred is nothing but a different form of expressing one's own affection because you know that you can count on them to be honest and truthful to you which may be perceived as a source of weakness?

Fresh and lively !

A picture says a thousand words - they say !!

Some pictures make you feel a thousand emotions ! The firs time I saw this picture early in the morning on my mail, the feeling I got was so lively and awesome !!! Just felt so full of life and since then everytime I see it as my wall paper, I just feel all the more better !
Incidentally, it reminded me of my travel to meesapulimalai and coorg !



An awesome photograph - simple, and neat bringing the world I would rather like to be to my desk ! Kudos to the photographer !

Perfection

He had never spared himself in any issue. His first concern was to discover what error he had made; he did not search for any one's Fault but his own; it was of himself that he demanded perfection.
He always tried to understand and rationalise. He always forgave others because he understood and accomodated others in his thoughts. But within himself, he always tried to find reasons, not to hurt others with the knowledge but learn to understand how not to repeat the mistakes and to rectify those that can be rectified, and to leave behind those mistakes that had no place in his heart nor the mind.

The taste of the Coffee !

Took my team out to CCD here for some talk (no, nothing about work) and some coffee.....Had the drink of the day, and if I got it right, it was Devil's mind...Interestingly, it was presented with around 4-5 roasted coffee seeds....Now, I have had so many coffees, all types, but never had the coffee seeds straight. Now, it reminded me of this small grinding machine that we used to have at our granny's place. It was only during summer vacation, we used to go there and I used to hate it like hell, bcos I cant play Cricket and would miss my friends. However, one thing I was always interested was to grind those roasted coffee seeds in that manual machine to get the coffee powder. Though I did not have the habbit of coffee then, I used to get coffee made out of the powder I ground and have a filter coffee :-) !!!

Hhhmmmmm....small things remind us of the nice times and nice people we have had in our lives...BTW, it was nice to taste those coffee seeds :-) !!!


Is he a destroyer or a liberator?
Why does he have to fight his battle not against his enemies but the people who need him the most? Why does he have to fight the battle against his own woman?

from the front of Atlas Shrugged


Got my hand on Atlas Shrugged from a collegue friend of mine finally. , remember when my sis read it and strongly recommended years earlier.....With an early morning train travel, nothing wld give better company than this.

Motivation

I REALLY NEED TO GET GOING, BUT JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET MOTIVATED.............

...

Fight as hard as you may,
you dont fight with me
its a fight within yourself
Hurt as deep as you may
difference to me, it makes none.
Seek your peace in this hurt,
seek your comfort in this hate
Happy you will be only when I leave
as a lost soul and a lonely warrior
Oh yes, I guess its time to leave
to lead a life king size.
Enough of these struggles
so silly and baseless
making the days drag
so dull and hopeless
Nothing more I can do
and fewer are my intentions
to make you understand !

Plans

Am planning out for this festival....but wonder if I can make it, as my sis is leaving on the 1 st of June.....But that still gives me options to attend this festival.....Should be worth listening to the music filling the chilly winds of Himalayas.
Dhanaulti Rocks Music Festival

Unforgiving

"Only the strongest of the hearts can forgive the pain of being mistreated and seek the true freedom of spirit."

I had a tiff a little while ago with a friend of mine. And I'm happy I stood up for my emotions and showed it out. Probably if I hadnt done, I wldnt have forgiven myself. Neither would I have felt like a man. Forgiving someone, particularly those who mean a lot is fine, even though you may be unforgiven at times, but I guess, you cannot be untrue to yourself.

On a lighter note, do you need some EGO boost? That there could be your favourite stars who dress up the worst you can ever think of, and make you feel like GOD !!!
Yeppie, visit this Fug Yourself.
Curiously, the word fug, comes from "Fantastically Ugly" :-)

a nice read

By the way of http://crypticsouls.blogspot.com/

Resurgence

The beauty of life…
Keeps me going.
I feel so special even though I have been let down many a time.
I feel happy again.
I feel new again.


Hopeless and abhorrent
I felt like giving up on Life…
Something has changed it all.
I feel buoyant again.
I feel cherished again.

I want to once again taste this cup called life.
With an ardent loom.
With a zest to find my lost soul.

I love you…Life once again.

Presently consuming....

I love giving / receiving books as gifts. Somehow, this world of books fascinates me all the time. Shiv presented me with this How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got A Life after I spoke about the review I read on The Hindu Literary.

Just started with this, but have been hearing way too many things about the author and the book. Particularly about the Plaigiarism. Too early to judge anything, I guess.

Blinded by love !

I do not understand why ppl in love lose their own self and rationale thinking. Everything is governed by their craving for the other person, their thoughts, their actions, their understanding, everything. They cant even see the simple truth or understand anything that friends and family tell them. Why should love necessitate a complete change in yourself...and how long will such a love even last? Until you are tired of being someone that you are not?

The wall

I guess its easy to live within a wall or being the wall yourself ! Nothing actually matters then.....The walls only know to listen. They do not say anything back. They are not expected to. They are devoid of any emotions. They just need to be strong !!!

Puzzled

I have been getting a lot of wishes from unknown people (from my own office) for a day that has not even dawned. Interestingly, out of the mails that I got, 75% were from girls. One such was the below mail. hmm...Thats quite a thing to say to a stranger :-)

Hi Happy Birthday

What does it take?

How long does it take to know the basic characteristics of a person? Most often, in my experience, the first observation says a plenty and coincidence or not, it has turned out to be right 99% of the times. And it is all the more pronounced in the case of men, for me.

The way life unfolds is quite intriguing and amusing and particularly in the recent times !

Bcos I only feel alive when I dream at night

Mez running short of dreams grrrrrr, something that I have never run short of :-))....Have been having these disturbed sleep with no dreams.....Am I becoming a insomniac???

Guess I need some meditation classes :-) !!!

Mood:
Marc Anthony - Dream at night !!!

True Lies

What do you do when someone gives excuses? To me, if someone does / do not do something that I expect is OK because, to each one, their own priorities and choices. I cant be angry at my own expectations, but false excuses irritates and hurts. And that shakes the very foundation of trust and any relationship I guess should be based on trust and honesty. If one doesnt trust the other to understand them better from their perspectives, or one doesnt believe in the other to appreciate their honest reason for not doing something the other expects them to do, then I guess, the relationship is strained. It needs some care and talk. I would rather have my friends talk up straight to my face than to give excuses and reasons.

Mind!

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.
Milton, John

Strings

It was beautiful what we had woven together with pearls of memories and dreams. You tore the string in a fit of rage and emotions. I'm trying to collect the broken pieces, the pearls that have disappeared in the mess of my mind, trying to string them back together. I know it is not perfect, but the marks of mistakes and hurt make it look all the more humane and beautiful.I did not expect you to stay back and help me with it. You are not to be blamed. You were always like that. But I never was angry. I always was there. But you failed to understand. One fine day, you came back, volunteered as a friend to stay by my side and string it together with me so that we can treasure whatever we had. We decided we will not lose them in the turn of events. It would be a new one, you said, a new string of friendship holding them together. I accepted. I notice, sometimes, you pretend to ignore, neglect and vent the bitterness in ways unconsciously. It makes me feel sad when you do that. What we hold is very fragile and it needs care, time and respect to treasure it. Do not break it.We dont have any more strings to replace.

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P.S
Oflate, I seem to relate songs to my words or some songs seem to infuse some words into me, like the one above !! Interesting.

One of the all time favourite song of mine. From an album that became a super duper Hit
Song - Boulevard of Broken Dreams - American Idiot by Green Day

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Back!

When things happen in your stride, life goes on smooth and everything is rosy. You are so enthusiastic about realizing the dreams and everything happens your way and seems like nothing CAN go wrong. Life, proves it otherwise, and makes you realise that it is not always a bed of roses, but a small thorn might be sticking out from somewhere among the roses and you turn around a little carelessly, you end up getting pierced. It was how it was. We were just happy. Everything was going great. I never planned anything between us. We just happened along the way. But it was very interesting and I loved every minute of ours. I was happy with her. Then one fine day, the very foundation shook up. It was like an magnanimous earthquake of 10 R on the scale. It was like a tsunami, that threatened to suck away everything into the oblivion. She had problems. I was ready to be by her side, always. But she had to go and away she was, for sometime.

I met her after around three days. I was so happy at meeting her again. I was restless without her by my side. Days dragged like never before and nights, silent and lonely. I should say I was excited, and happy for this one moment when she will be back again by my side. Imagine having someone who has always been on your side missing suddenly. It is void feeling, a feeling that you are left alone. I couldnt resist showing my excitement to everyone on the road. The autodriver gave me a strange look at my seemingly ever-smiling face. I finally met her. I held her close and gave a kiss. But something was strange. It never felt like this before. She was forlorn and distant. It was as though she belonged to someone else now. As a man, I would never want that feeling. I felt like a lot of things had changed over the last two days. Something warned me that I'm gonna lose it all. I have been through this before and I did not want it to happen again. I looked at her again. No, this is not what we were. This is not how we related to each other. This void, this nothingness, it pains me. All those happy memories forever etched in as those little group of letters as personal SMSes, that always brought a cheer upon my face whenever I was low, those numbers that I associated a face to, of friends, family and strangers alike, everything was lost in one single moment of madness when the engineer erased her memory. And I felt a pinch in my heart. Its all it is to life, a string of memories. To her nothing has changed , to me everything has changed. She still is the same cell phone, but with her, she has taken a whole lot of me. !!!

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I came upon this song and I was impressed with the beautifully penned lyrics. Perspectives, as I always love to say!

Song: Be Yourself - AudioSlave
Someone falls to pieces
Sleeping all alone
Someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence
She finally drifts away
Someone gets excited
In a chapel yard
And catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen
White roses on a grave

Yeahhh...

And to be yourself is all that you can do
Heyyyy...
To be yourself is all that you can do

Someone finds salvation in everyone
Another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love
Until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united
Healthy or insane

And to be yourself is all that you can do
Yeahhh...
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
Heyyyy...
Be yourself is all that you can do

Even when you've paid enough
Been put upon or been held up
Every single memory of the good or bad
Faces of LUCK
Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose
¨
But to be yourself is all that you can do
Yeahhh...
To be yourself is all that you can do

Ohhhh...
To be yourself is all that you can do, heeey...
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can--
Be yourself is all that you can--
Be yourself is all that you can do